This past week I realized that infertility can really bring some people together. My husband and I own a pest control company and sometimes he has to go out and actually service the routes. This last week, he was servicing a customer and noticed the new nursery in the house. He started talking to the guy who lived there and it turns out his wife is due around the same time I am. Peter made some comment about how it took us a while to get pregnant and they started talking. It turns out this couple had struggled with infertility and did 4 IUIs. They finally got pregnant with their last one. D talked to him for quite a while about how hard it is to go through infertility. They talked about how it was hard to see their wives go through infertility. They talked about the stupid things people say to you when you are trying to get pregnant but can't.
What I love about the situation is how open they were with each other. According to D, they had a really good conversation. I love that when we are open with our struggle, we can become a little closer to other people. It's like this little family out there and we just need to open our mouths to connect with them.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
So lucky
So this blog that I follow is written by a girl who has unexplained infertility. She has been trying to get pregnant for 5 years. She had to travel to do a trial type of IVF and got pregnant! Well, she went to her 9 week appointment (her last appoint with her RE) and found out she miscarried. To make it worse, the baby was still in there and she had to have a D&C. It was her first ever pregnancy.
Even though I am pregnant, I still keep up with some blogs about other women who have struggled with the same thing I have. I feel like they have given me strength and although we have never met, I feel like I know/understand some of the deepest parts of them. As I was reading her journey through this, I found myself so excited for her good news and almost in tears when she found out she is no longer pregnant. I realized that I am so lucky/blessed/whatever you want to call it to be having a healthy pregnancy. To be honest, being pregnant is much harder than I had anticipated. It is draining physically, emotionally, financially, and physically (yes, I said that twice) but I would still rather feel like this than be going through the loss of a child. I cannot begin to understand why the Lord has chosen me to carry this little guy, but I thank Him constantly for the opportunity.
Even though I am pregnant, I still keep up with some blogs about other women who have struggled with the same thing I have. I feel like they have given me strength and although we have never met, I feel like I know/understand some of the deepest parts of them. As I was reading her journey through this, I found myself so excited for her good news and almost in tears when she found out she is no longer pregnant. I realized that I am so lucky/blessed/whatever you want to call it to be having a healthy pregnancy. To be honest, being pregnant is much harder than I had anticipated. It is draining physically, emotionally, financially, and physically (yes, I said that twice) but I would still rather feel like this than be going through the loss of a child. I cannot begin to understand why the Lord has chosen me to carry this little guy, but I thank Him constantly for the opportunity.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Oh the things people say
We went to visit D's family this last weekend in Wisconsin and flew home Monday. It was a nice visit although I realized that I am still not a kid person. I'm not always like, "look how cute" at every little thing they do. I don't want to help change diapers or always play games with them. I'm hoping that something inside of me will change when he is my own.
On another note, the plane ride Monday was a fiasco. I was sitting there and this girl behind me talked the entire time and she had the most annoying voice and Midwestern accent. Somehow she started telling the random guy next to her that she had a friend who got married when she was 19 and wanted to have kids right away. Well 3 years later they haven't been able to get pregnant and want to start fertility treatments. The girl behind me said, "So I was like, slow down! You are living life in the fast lane! You will get pregnant when you are supposed to get pregnant. If you do fertility treatments you'll have like 6 kids at once."
It took a lot for me to stay facing forward and not tell this girl how fertility treatments work. Or how hard it is to want for nothing more in life than to be pregnant and one day be a mother, but that isn't happening. It reminded me of that painful reminder I would get every month that felt like Mother Nature was laughing at me. I realized (again) that unless you go through IF, you have no clue what it's like. I think it is that way with most traumatic experiences. I know she wasn't trying to be mean or anything, but why is it any of her business how/when her young friend becomes a mother? I was 22 when we started ttc. It was the longest 3 years of my life but as I look down and feel him kick right now, I realize that it was all worth it. He is worth waiting for.
To add injury to insult, the plane ride sucked. It was supposed to be just over 2 hours and that turned into 3. There was a really bad storm in Dallas so when we were going down for the landing, it got really bumpy. So bumpy that my motion sickness combined with my morning sickness was not going to end well. I started feeling my mouth water which always happened when I would throw up earlier in the pregnancy. I hadn't thrown up in quite a while but I felt it coming. I got the doggie bag ready and barfed my brains out, in my seat for the entire plane to see/hear. I was mortified, so I started crying and I thought "I could die right here on this plane". Luckily I have the best husband in the world and he called the flight attendants over and asked for some water and napkins. The stupid guy brings a tiny cup of water and like 5 napkins and tries handing it to me while I'm still puking! Hello! Where do you expect me to put that? Idiot. So I finally finish the show and fold up the bag and D puts it on the floor by his feet. The people around me were so nice and gave me these disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer. The female flight attendant brought me a water bottle, a cold beer to put on the back of my neck and a couple plastic bags. Well, as D lifted the doggie bag to put into the plastic bag, it apparently had been leaking! It got all over him and the floor. It was so disgusting. So we were trying to clean up and I just felt horrible. I felt a little better but still sick, I was just embarrassed beyond belief (although playing the pregnancy card automatically makes people more compassionate to you), and then teh worst happened. Instead of landing, the airport closed so we had to circle around for 45 minutes before we could land again! My poor husband was sitting there in my vomit, quite literally for another hour. I can't believe he didn't puke himself because I would have.
It was quite the adventure and I am so glad to be home with my husband, my dog, and my baby.
On another note, the plane ride Monday was a fiasco. I was sitting there and this girl behind me talked the entire time and she had the most annoying voice and Midwestern accent. Somehow she started telling the random guy next to her that she had a friend who got married when she was 19 and wanted to have kids right away. Well 3 years later they haven't been able to get pregnant and want to start fertility treatments. The girl behind me said, "So I was like, slow down! You are living life in the fast lane! You will get pregnant when you are supposed to get pregnant. If you do fertility treatments you'll have like 6 kids at once."
It took a lot for me to stay facing forward and not tell this girl how fertility treatments work. Or how hard it is to want for nothing more in life than to be pregnant and one day be a mother, but that isn't happening. It reminded me of that painful reminder I would get every month that felt like Mother Nature was laughing at me. I realized (again) that unless you go through IF, you have no clue what it's like. I think it is that way with most traumatic experiences. I know she wasn't trying to be mean or anything, but why is it any of her business how/when her young friend becomes a mother? I was 22 when we started ttc. It was the longest 3 years of my life but as I look down and feel him kick right now, I realize that it was all worth it. He is worth waiting for.
To add injury to insult, the plane ride sucked. It was supposed to be just over 2 hours and that turned into 3. There was a really bad storm in Dallas so when we were going down for the landing, it got really bumpy. So bumpy that my motion sickness combined with my morning sickness was not going to end well. I started feeling my mouth water which always happened when I would throw up earlier in the pregnancy. I hadn't thrown up in quite a while but I felt it coming. I got the doggie bag ready and barfed my brains out, in my seat for the entire plane to see/hear. I was mortified, so I started crying and I thought "I could die right here on this plane". Luckily I have the best husband in the world and he called the flight attendants over and asked for some water and napkins. The stupid guy brings a tiny cup of water and like 5 napkins and tries handing it to me while I'm still puking! Hello! Where do you expect me to put that? Idiot. So I finally finish the show and fold up the bag and D puts it on the floor by his feet. The people around me were so nice and gave me these disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer. The female flight attendant brought me a water bottle, a cold beer to put on the back of my neck and a couple plastic bags. Well, as D lifted the doggie bag to put into the plastic bag, it apparently had been leaking! It got all over him and the floor. It was so disgusting. So we were trying to clean up and I just felt horrible. I felt a little better but still sick, I was just embarrassed beyond belief (although playing the pregnancy card automatically makes people more compassionate to you), and then teh worst happened. Instead of landing, the airport closed so we had to circle around for 45 minutes before we could land again! My poor husband was sitting there in my vomit, quite literally for another hour. I can't believe he didn't puke himself because I would have.
It was quite the adventure and I am so glad to be home with my husband, my dog, and my baby.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Pregnant and infertile
I have been thinking lately about this blog. Now that I am expecting, do I continue blogging about infertility? I don't want this blog to turn into a baby diary since I have a personal blog for that. I haven't been able to make a decision until a couple of days ago. I get the Ensign which is a monthly publication that is produced my my church. This month is basically a compilation of inspiring Christmas stories. D and I had decided to read a little scripture and story every night leading up to Christmas just to refocus us on why we celebrate this time of year. The first night, I picked a random story titled the Christmas I Remember Best. I really picked it because it is only one page. As I started reading, my heart began to pump a little harder because I was afraid it was going to talk about a woman who wanted children but couldn't have them. Well, it did. I couldn't even make it through the second paragraph because I started crying! I gave the magazine to mu husband and told him he had to read it because I wouldn't be able to get through it. He read most of the story until the last few paragraphs and the same thing happened to him. It was at that moment that I realized that he has been just as affected by this as I have. I realized that even though we are seeing our dream come true, we will always be affected by our struggle with infertility.
We finished the story but that was when I got my answer of how to proceed with this blog. I probably won't be writing in it as much as I had before, but I know that I will still struggle in the future. Blogging has really helped me deal with my thoughts and emotions and sort through them. I am sure there will be times when I am still hit with a hard day and those are the days that I need this blog. I have said over and over that this blog is for me, not anybody else. I will continue to post as my journey continues.
I have also decided that I definitely want more kids. I don't know if we will have to go through such extreme measures to have more children, but we are willing to make the sacrifice. That may mean that we stay in our tiny starter home for a bit longer so we can afford IVF again, and I have come to terms with that. I don't know what the future holds for me and my family, but I do know that infertility has shaped a large part of who I am and I will never forget where this journey has taken me.
We finished the story but that was when I got my answer of how to proceed with this blog. I probably won't be writing in it as much as I had before, but I know that I will still struggle in the future. Blogging has really helped me deal with my thoughts and emotions and sort through them. I am sure there will be times when I am still hit with a hard day and those are the days that I need this blog. I have said over and over that this blog is for me, not anybody else. I will continue to post as my journey continues.
I have also decided that I definitely want more kids. I don't know if we will have to go through such extreme measures to have more children, but we are willing to make the sacrifice. That may mean that we stay in our tiny starter home for a bit longer so we can afford IVF again, and I have come to terms with that. I don't know what the future holds for me and my family, but I do know that infertility has shaped a large part of who I am and I will never forget where this journey has taken me.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
19 weeks tomorrow
I am at the point in this pregnancy where I actually love being pregnant! I am finally showing some so it feels much more real. D loves it, too. He is always touching my belly and saying, "it's just so cute!". I love that he loves it because he is really just as excited as I am. I pretty much just wear sweats now (yay for winter!). I have a pair of maternity jeans but they are still a little big and my regular jeans are ok if I'm standing up but as soon as I sit down, they poke into my belly. I'm not as sick any more which is a blessing from above. I have great days and days where I feel a little nauseous but nothing like the first trimester. I can actually enjoy most foods now but my sense of smell is still heightened. The only thing that sounds really gross is whole chicken breast (not really sure why) and seafood. My belly is really sore. I don't know if that's normal but I think it's just everything stretching. It really has grown a lot in the last few weeks.
On a more exciting note, I can feel the baby move now! Last Thursday night, I was trying to get comfortable in bed since it hurts to sleep on my stomach now. I turned to my left side almost on my stomach and I felt the baby kick me 4 times! It was so crazy and awesome. You can't feel it on the outside yet, but I can totally feel it. Ever since then, I can feel him/her kicking randomly. Usually when I go to bed at night.
We find out the sex on Monday! We are really excited. We will tell the family on Wednesday sine everybody will be home for Thanksgiving. I think it's a girl and D thinks it's a boy. I read people's blogs and they say that they feel like they already know their baby but I really don't feel like that. It's all kind of a novelty to me, I guess. I'm hoping finding out the gender will help me better visualize our baby. I still have time but I just hope that I can create that special bond with my child. I haven't even done anything to prepare for the baby. I haven't bought any baby stuff, I haven't started to get the house ready, I haven't done anything! I think that part of it is still hard for me to believe. I have wanted this for so long and I don't want this pregnancy to fly by. Some days, I still can't even believe that we are pregnant. It is a really weird place, mentally, to be in but I do have to admit that I love being pregnant right now.
On a more exciting note, I can feel the baby move now! Last Thursday night, I was trying to get comfortable in bed since it hurts to sleep on my stomach now. I turned to my left side almost on my stomach and I felt the baby kick me 4 times! It was so crazy and awesome. You can't feel it on the outside yet, but I can totally feel it. Ever since then, I can feel him/her kicking randomly. Usually when I go to bed at night.
We find out the sex on Monday! We are really excited. We will tell the family on Wednesday sine everybody will be home for Thanksgiving. I think it's a girl and D thinks it's a boy. I read people's blogs and they say that they feel like they already know their baby but I really don't feel like that. It's all kind of a novelty to me, I guess. I'm hoping finding out the gender will help me better visualize our baby. I still have time but I just hope that I can create that special bond with my child. I haven't even done anything to prepare for the baby. I haven't bought any baby stuff, I haven't started to get the house ready, I haven't done anything! I think that part of it is still hard for me to believe. I have wanted this for so long and I don't want this pregnancy to fly by. Some days, I still can't even believe that we are pregnant. It is a really weird place, mentally, to be in but I do have to admit that I love being pregnant right now.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Beautiful Heartbreak
I saw this video on FB today and I realized that my struggles are so small compared to what they could be.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
IVF pictures
I just wanted to document with pictures our journey to this baby. I don't have tons of pics, but I always want to remember this time.
Here are some pics of us the day of the transfer:
And these are the little embryos that got transferred in! Somehow I lost the actual picture, but I LOVED seeing this little picture.
The day we found out we were pregnant!:
And our little baby at 6 weeks:
Here are some pics of us the day of the transfer:
And these are the little embryos that got transferred in! Somehow I lost the actual picture, but I LOVED seeing this little picture.
The day we found out we were pregnant!:
And our little baby at 6 weeks:
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