Well, I forgot how emotionally draining it is during the 2ww. This past Saturday, we went to a baseball game with 3 other couples. It was fun and relaxing. I was sitting by some friends and one of the girls sent me a text from a couple seats over asking if I was pregnant because I had a "glow" about me. I didn't really know how to take it. She is not malicious at all, but she doesn't exactly think through things before she says them. D thought it was really insensitive, but I brushed it off knowing her personality.
Sunday was Mother's day. We got up, showered, and started getting ready for church. I had been dreading this day for a while now. I was sitting on the couch feeling really sad when D came up to me and said "Let's not go today". It was the first time that he has really broken down during this whole time. He said that he didn't think he could get through church today without crying. I knew for sure that I could not. They have an entire Mother's day program every year with the kids and teenagers singing Mother's day songs and talks about mothers. As I was consoling him, I started to realize that I had never been in this situation before. I realized that I am ALWAYS crying on his shoulder, but he almost never cried on mine. As I heard myself say the words, "it will be ok", I really felt that it would. I instantly felt calm and more at ease. It is like God gave me strength so that I could strengthen the one I love. I believed for a small moment that we would be ok. I am so grateful for the Lord's tender mercies that help get us through the day.
Then, we went to my mom's house to hang out and talk to my little brother who is on a mission. Nobody in my family has any kids or anything yet so it wasn't too bad except for the fact that I was wondering if everybody else out there was having breakfast in bed or getting sweet presents from their kids/husband. We were watching a movie that night and I was talking to D and he was stressed about work. Since we own our own business, if work goes bad, we don't get paid. I started stressing and freaking out about the $8k bill coming up for IVF. I couldn't control myself even in front of my parents and I just broke down. The stress totally got to me.
The next day, my mom called. She talked to my grandma and said they would split the cost of the IVF and pay for it for us!!!!! I was in tears and totally speechless. This is why my family is so great. We should have some money saved up for it, but it is just nice to know that we won't have to worry about the financial aspect of the fertility treatments. D HATES taking hand outs, but we graciously accepted. My mom said that I have enough stress and that is the last thing that I need, especially during IVF. We have made a point to never borrow money (except for the business) from anybody and be completely independent, so this is very humbling.
Today, I went to lunch with some friends and one of them mentioned that they were going to start trying for number 4 although her luck, "it will probably take forever". Really? Forever? Because I'm pretty sure 3 years feels like forever. Then she was like, "Hey, wouldn't it be fun to be pregnant together?!" No, it would be fun to be pregnant, period. I drove home, fell on to Peter's lap and bawled my eyes out. That sounds a little dramatic but everything just came to a head today. I find out this weekend if the IUI worked and I am just freaking out. Two more days. Let's see if I can make it.
No comments:
Post a Comment