One of those people

I'm one of those people. You know the ones all of us infertiles hate hearing about. Whenever somebody is going through fertility treatments or through the adoption process, somebody always has a friend who has a friend who did IF treatments/adoption then right after they had their baby...BAM they got pregnant. So their cure to IF is just to have a baby. It worked for their friend's friend. I think every infertile hates hearing that story over and over. Well, I'm one of those people now.
Just typing this makes me emotional. When my period came back after having DS, TTC was immediately on my mind. I wasn't exactly ready to get pregnant with a 9 month old baby, but I couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead. We knew our family was not done and that we had more children waiting for us so we made a plan. We looked at our finances and tried to see when we could pay off some debt and save enough money for another round of IVF. My goal was to be pregnant by the end of the year. We wanted to do IVF again this December so we could have the baby right after next summer (our busy season for work).
Well, the Lord had other plans. I had my period 3 times but it wasn't exactly regular since I was still breastfeeding so I didn't worry about it too much. One day, I was at a friend's house complaining about how I hate waiting for my period to start. I had been having cramps for a couple of days but no AF. I told her it had been a while and she told me to take a pregnancy test because she always had cramping with her pregnancies. I didn't think too much of it but on the way home, I realized that it had been 35 days since my last AF. DH went immediately to Walgreens and bought a test but I couldn't pee (of course). I was also really hesitant to take it because I KNEW it would be negative and I wasn't sure if I could stand that heartbreak. Obviously, I had to pee at 1 in the morning and since the test was waiting there, I decided to take it. No pressure. Nobody was even awake and I could throw it away if  when it was negative.
It was positive. Immediately positive.
I jumped onto our bed,woke up DH who was dead asleep at the time, and just started crying and told him that it was positive. He was a little confused at first but then he kept saying "I knew it!" I couldn't stop crying for a while and he just held me until we could get down on our knees and thank our Heavenly Father for the blessing that He had given us.
I still don't know why I deserve this miracle in my life. I wish every person who struggles TTC can have the same luck that I do, but I know how annoying it is to hear stories similar to mine.
I don't know what the future holds for our family or if we will have to travel down the infertile road again, but I am just going to try and enjoy the journey that I am on right now.

I couldn't have said it better myself

Just came across this.

Infertile Mother

Infertility is a weird thing. Just because you get pregnant or have a baby, it does not mean you have graduated. I feel really lucky to have some amazing friends. When I was pregnant, quite a few of my friends were pregnant and we all had babies around the same time. Those ladies were/are a great support system for be because let's be honest- being pregnant and having a baby is hard. For some of us, getting pregnant is even harder. Lately, I have been obsessing thinking about babies.Thanks to breastfeeding, I have only had my period twice since getting pregnant so TTC wasn't really much of an option until recently. Some of my friends who had babies right around when I had DS are already pregnant again! And not newly pregnant, out of the first trimester pregnant. So all of these announcements (thanks, Facebook) have really gotten me thinking about when will be the right time for us to start TTC. There were two FB announcements today and I just started having anxiety. I had to go into an empty room and call my husband because I was really freaking out. I know it sounds so lame but the thought of going through all the emotional and physical pain I went through to get pregnant the first time really scares me.
If I knew that we could get pregnant easy peasy, I don't think I'd even be ready  to start TTC again. But guess what, it isn't.  Of course I look at my little boy and think "Oh, he's so cute, I want more" but I feel like I'm just settling into my life. In  3 months (November-January), we sold our house, moved 30 minutes away to an apartment, bought and moved into an amazing house. I LOVE my new house and community. We are unpacked and I am finally in a routine. I take DS to the park and story time, I go to yoga, I started "running" (I use the term very loosely) and even signed up for a 5k in May. I fit into all of my clothes. My life is really great right now but the stress that comes with trying to get pregnant sometimes consumes me. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who helps me through these hard times. He explained that the Atonement is not a one time event. That we can use it and lean on the Savior over and over again.
Today, I just felt lonely. I felt like I can't complain since I have a beautiful baby boy and like nobody understands but my husband reminded me that the Savior does. He can help me.
Now, if anybody even reads this blog I would like to say a word regarding this post. If you have never struggled with infertility, I might sound like a whiner. Yes, I do have a baby but that does not mean that my desire for another baby is gone. Just because I have a baby does not mean that my family is complete. And just because I have a baby does not mean that I don't think about IF every day.
At yoga tonight, I realized that I just need to be happy now. I am going to enjoy my time of going to the gym, spending quality time with my son, spending time with my husband, and becoming a better me. One day, the kids will come.
One day.

Football IF

The right way

I came across this article today and it has really made me think. He talks about waiting for intimacy until marriage and getting married the "right way". Being from an  LDS culture, it is expected to wait until marriage but as I read this article, I realized that abstinence until marriage is not the norm. Obviously, I knew this but I didn't realize how "weird" we were for waiting. So what does this have to do with IF? Well, I was thinking about how lucky I am to have my wonderful husband. Before we got married, I never had to take birth control. I never had to take a pregnancy test by myself. I never had to get tested for STDs. I never had to worry about being a single mom. I had a very carefree fun time where I could learn about myself, become comfortable in my own skin, go to school, date, and just grow up without any such worries that come along with sex outside of marriage.
Once we got married, we shared something that we didn't share with anybody else. I feel like that has bonded us on some level. I am so lucky to have him. I could not have made it through some days when we were TTC without him. He stood by my side and picked me up (sometimes literally) when I was down because I longed to have a child. I would not want to go through something so hard with anybody else. He is my rock and my support.
It is a weird position to be in to have struggled with IF and now have a child. My son brings me joy that I could not have ever imagined before having him. I still have moments where I just look at him and start crying. I just hate the unknown. Maybe if we had a real diagnosis I could at least have some sort of idea what the future holds. For now, I will just enjoy my time with my family of three. I am so blessed. 

update: I emailed the girl about the support group but it does not exist anymore :(

I'm baaaack

I have been thinking about some things that I have wanted to write lately but haven't had the push to do it until today. This post may be a bit all over the place but I use this blog as a way to organize my thoughts. It is a weird thing that IF does to you. It is like this silent support group is slowly formed. People start to come out of the woodwork who struggle with IF and you instantly have a bond. I have come across many people in the last couple of months who are dealing with IF. Whether it is on facebook, friends (even a couple who already have kids), or just random places whenever I talk to them about IF we have an instant connection. What is that? Maybe it is because we share an intense struggle. Maybe it is empathy. Maybe it is just the longing to feel like I am not the only woman in the world who can't get pregnant on her own. Whatever it is, I like it.

So it happened yesterday. Out of nowhere, AF decided to show up again in all her wonderful glory. I haven't had my period in 19 months. When it came back, a weird flood of emotions came with it. Let me back up a bit. My DS is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am more in love with that boy than I could have ever imagined. It makes me tear up right now just thinking about it. I always knew I wanted more kids but I have no idea how many more. Having a hiatus of AF for so long (thanks to breastfeeding) has kind of given me a mental vacation from thinking about TTC again. Yesterday that changed. Here's the conversation in my mind for the last 24 hours:
"What if I did magically get pregnant on my own?"
"What if it happend next month?"
"Holy crap not next month!?!"
"Hey it could happen"
"You idiot, if it could happen naturally you wouldn't have had to do IVF"
"But what if it did..." restart at the beginning.
Then I keep thinking about how old DS would be if I got pregnant next month or the month after that or the month after that. And then I think about when I would actually want to start TTC. And when I would want to do IVF again. And then I think about how much that would cost. And then I wish that I didn't start that stupid New Year's resolution to cut out Dr Pepper because that is my go-to feel better treat.
So my brain is going a million miles a minute and the truth is that I DON'T KNOW. I don't know when or how or if it is going to happen again. It is an overwhelming thing. The unknown is scary.
That brings me to today. An old friend randomly sent me an email that she is struggling with IF and starting her first medicated cycle. It made me so happy that I could possibly be of some support to somebody who is going through one of the biggest trials of their life.
So then I start  doing my IF research (aka. blogstalking) and come across a support group held here that meets once a month called Parenting after Infertility Support Group. Who knew?!? I think I want to go. I don't feel like I am post-infertility but I have had a baby so maybe this is for me. Maybe they will be able to help me through my crazy head conversations. I don't know why, but I am scared. I think it is because going to the group would cause me to be vulnerable and reopen all of those woulds that IF left me. I am still working through some emotions that came with my struggle to conceive. The group says to send an email to the group leader prior to attending the meeting. I have the email pulled up and all I have to do is press send. I guess it's worth a shot.

The Invisible Pain of Infertility

This morning, D saw this article on our MSN homepage. He told me about it and I finally got around to reading it this evening. I thought it was a very well written article about struggling with infertility. It is hard to talk about when you are struggling with infertility because it is so personal. For me, I didn't want the constant questions like, "Any news yet?" or "how are 'things' going?" Now that I have been through years of infertility ending in one beautiful and healthy son, I am able to be much more open about my struggle with infertility.
Redbook and Resolve (the National Infertility Association) are joining together to launch a national campaign called The Truth About Trying to raise awareness about infertility. I think it's great that more awareness is being raised for such an important issue. Unless you have struggled with infertility, you probably don't realize how devastating it really can be.
I told D about the campaign and he told me I should make a video and submit it. I haven't ever done something like that before, but I don't see any reason I can't participate. I'll work on that and post the video I make. 

The Truth About Trying

I was watching some of the videos and I clicked on this video only to realize that he is the other doctor at my fertility clinic! He did one of our IUIs and is a great doctor but I love what he says at the end. Don't give up. If we had given up, we would not have the wonderful blessing of our little boy come into our lives. He was worth all the heartache, pain, and tears. In fact, I think that I love him even more because we worked so hard to get him here.

My Search for Motherhood

I am a very religious person and believe in the leaders of my church. We believe in a prophet who can still receive revelation for the world today. I have been noticing lately that the issue of infertility has been coming up more and more. I don't know if I am just more aware when they speak of IF or if it is just becoming a more relevant issue. I wrote a post last October and December about our church leaders talking about IF.
I recently got our monthly church publication and found yet another article about IF titled My Search for Motherhood. It is a sweet story about a woman who struggled her entire life with never having children of her own but searched for opportunities to have what she calls "alternate opportunities for motherhood". I don't think that I ever got to that point in my personal journey, but I started to realize that the Lord has put children in my life so that I may try to develop motherly attributes.
For example, since being married I have spent a few years serving children in church. I was a teacher for the 3-4 year old children for a couple of years. During that time, I learned the innocence of children and their unconditional love for others. I also learned that they are so much smarter than I had originally given them credit for. I saw the children grow because of the influence of their parents. I loved teaching the young kids stories from the scriptures only to find out they already know those stories.
I have also had the opportunity to serve the youth of the church in many capacities. I was a leader over 12-13 year old girls as well as 14-15 year old girls. Their strength, faith, and testimonies are so strong even though the world can be so hard. They have such bright futures ahead of them and it was exciting to see them grow and accomplish their goals and dreams.
I am grateful for the opportunities I have had to be surrounded by children even though I haven't had any of my own. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me enough to put me in those positions to soften my heart and help me grow as a woman. Now that I am about to have one of my own (less than 3 weeks left!) I still feel completely unprepared to be a mother, but I know that with the help of the Lord I can do all things.

Sufficient Grace

I just came across this blog post and thought it was beautifully written. She is a lot more eloquent than I am when it comes to writing but her story is all too familiar.

The Truth About IVF

So SIF wrote this post about the truth of IVF. I read a couple responses from some other blogs (see here and here) and I thought I should share my own.
First of all, IVF is a very personal choice. I have heard mixed feelings on the subject. A lot of responses I have heard is that IVF is too invasive. Well, it is invasive! Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, it is invasive and uncomfortable. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The only thing harder was struggling with infertility and NOT doing anything about it. Luckily, I know that the Spirit can guide us in our decisions.
James 1:5 says, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him as of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."
This teaches me that if I have a question, I can ask God and he will guide me to the right answer. That was exactly what we did when making the decision to move forward with IVF. We prayed our little hearts out asking for guidance. We didn't get some huge answer, but we did a lot of research and we both felt good about doing IVF so we decided to move forward. The entire process took a few months but it was worth every second. I'm sure I would feel different if it didn't work out for us, but it did! While I understand that this is a personal decision for everybody, this is what worked for us. I don't mean it worked because we got pregnant. It worked because we felt like this is the path that our Heavenly Father would have us take to get closer to having our family. I feel like as long as you do everything that you can to have your little ones come to you (whether that is IVF, adoption, and everything in between), they are supposed to be the ones coming to you.
When deciding which path to take to have your own family, make God part of that decision. Ultimately, He is the only one who knows what you are going through and how it ends. He loves His children and wants them to be happy.

IF

This past week I realized that infertility can really bring some people together. My husband and I own a pest control company and sometimes he has to go out and actually service the routes. This last week, he was servicing a customer and noticed the new nursery in the house. He started talking to the guy who lived there and it turns out his wife is due around the same time I am. Peter made some comment about how it took us a while to get pregnant and they started talking. It turns out this couple had struggled with infertility and did 4 IUIs. They finally got pregnant with their last one. D talked to him for quite a while about how hard it is to go through infertility. They talked about how it was hard to see their wives go through infertility. They talked about the stupid things people say to you when you are trying to get pregnant but can't.
What I love about the situation is how open they were with each other. According to D, they had a really good conversation. I love that when we are open with our struggle, we can become a little closer to other people. It's like this little family out there and we just need to open our mouths to connect with them.

So lucky

So this blog that I follow is written by a girl who has unexplained infertility. She has been trying to get pregnant for 5 years. She had to travel to do a trial type of IVF and got pregnant! Well, she went to her 9 week appointment (her last appoint with her RE) and found out she miscarried. To make it worse, the baby was still in there and she had to have a D&C. It was her first ever pregnancy.
Even though I am pregnant, I still keep up with some blogs about other women who have struggled with the same thing I have. I feel like they have given me strength and although we have never met, I feel like I know/understand some of the deepest parts of them. As I was reading her journey through this, I found myself so excited for her good news and almost in tears when she found out she is no longer pregnant. I realized that I am so lucky/blessed/whatever you want to call it to be having a healthy pregnancy. To be honest, being pregnant is much harder than I had anticipated. It is draining physically, emotionally, financially, and physically (yes, I said that twice) but I would still rather feel like this than be going through the loss of a child. I cannot begin to understand why the Lord has chosen me to carry this little guy, but I thank Him constantly for the opportunity.

Oh the things people say

We went to visit D's family this last weekend in Wisconsin and flew home Monday. It was a nice visit although I realized that I am still not a kid person. I'm not always like, "look how cute" at every little thing they do. I don't want to help change diapers or always play games with them. I'm hoping that something inside of me will change when he is my own.
On another note, the plane ride Monday was a fiasco. I was sitting there and this girl behind me talked the entire time and she had the most annoying voice and Midwestern accent. Somehow she started telling the random guy next to her that she had a friend who got married when she was 19 and wanted to have kids right away. Well 3 years later they haven't been able to get pregnant and want to start fertility treatments. The girl behind me said, "So I was like, slow down! You are living life in the fast lane! You will get pregnant when you are supposed to get pregnant. If you do fertility treatments you'll have like 6 kids at once."
It took a lot for me to stay facing forward and not tell this girl how fertility treatments work. Or how hard it is to want for nothing more in life than to be pregnant and one day be a mother, but that isn't happening. It reminded me of that painful reminder I would get every month that felt like Mother Nature was laughing at me. I realized (again) that unless you go through IF, you have no clue what it's like. I think it is that way with most traumatic experiences. I know she wasn't trying to be mean or anything, but why is it any of her business how/when her young friend becomes a mother? I was 22 when we started ttc. It was the longest 3 years of my life but as I look down and feel him kick right now, I realize that it was all worth it. He is worth waiting for.
To add injury to insult, the plane ride sucked. It was supposed to be just over 2 hours and that turned into 3. There was a really bad storm in Dallas so when we were going down for the landing, it got really bumpy. So bumpy that my motion sickness combined with my morning sickness was not going to end well. I started feeling my mouth water which always happened when I would throw up earlier in the pregnancy. I hadn't thrown up in quite a while but I felt it coming. I got the doggie bag ready and barfed my brains out, in my seat for the entire plane to see/hear. I was mortified, so I started crying and I thought "I could die right here on this plane". Luckily I have the best husband in the world and he called the flight attendants over and asked for some water and napkins. The stupid guy brings a tiny cup of water and like 5 napkins and tries handing it to me while I'm still puking! Hello! Where do you expect me to put that? Idiot. So I finally finish the show and fold up the bag and D puts it on the floor by his feet. The people around me were so nice and gave me these disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer. The female flight attendant brought me a water bottle, a cold beer to put on the back of my neck and a couple plastic bags. Well, as D lifted the doggie bag to put into the plastic bag, it apparently had been leaking! It got all over him and the floor. It was so disgusting. So we were trying to clean up and I just felt horrible. I felt a little better but still sick, I was just embarrassed beyond belief (although playing the pregnancy card automatically makes people more compassionate to you), and then teh worst happened. Instead of landing, the airport closed so we had to circle around for 45 minutes before we could land again! My poor husband was sitting there in my vomit, quite literally for another hour. I can't believe he didn't puke himself because I would have.
It was quite the adventure and I am so glad to be home with my husband, my dog, and my baby.

Pregnant and infertile

I have been thinking lately about this blog. Now that I am expecting, do I continue blogging about infertility? I don't want this blog to turn into a baby diary since I have a personal blog for that. I haven't been able to make a decision until a couple of days ago. I get the Ensign which is a monthly publication that is produced my my church. This month is basically a compilation of inspiring Christmas stories. D and I had decided to read a little scripture and story every night leading up to Christmas just to refocus us on why we celebrate this time of year. The first night, I picked a random story titled the Christmas I Remember Best. I really picked it because it is only one page. As I started reading, my heart began to pump a little harder because I was afraid it was going to talk about a woman who wanted children but couldn't have them. Well, it did. I couldn't even make it through the second paragraph because I started crying! I gave the magazine to mu husband and told him he had to read it because I wouldn't be able to get through it. He read most of the story until the last few paragraphs and the same thing happened to him. It was at that moment that I realized that he has been just as affected by this as I have. I realized that even though we are seeing our dream come true, we will always be affected by our struggle with infertility.
We finished the story but that was when I got my answer of how to proceed with this blog. I probably won't be writing in it as much as I had before, but I know that I will still struggle in the future. Blogging has really helped me deal with my thoughts and emotions and sort through them. I am sure there will be times when I am still hit with a hard day and those are the days that I need this blog. I have said over and over that this blog is for me, not anybody else. I will continue to post as my journey continues.
I have also decided that I definitely want more kids. I don't know if we will have to go through such extreme measures to have more children, but we are willing to make the sacrifice. That may mean that we stay in our tiny starter home for a bit longer so we can afford IVF again, and I have come to terms with that. I don't know what the future holds for me and my family, but I do know that infertility has shaped a large part of who I am and I will never forget where this journey has taken me.

19 weeks tomorrow

I am at the point in this pregnancy where I actually love being pregnant! I am finally showing some so it feels much more real. D loves it, too. He is always touching my belly and saying, "it's just so cute!". I love that he loves it because he is really just as excited as I am. I pretty much just wear sweats now (yay for winter!). I have a pair of maternity jeans but they are still a little big and my regular jeans are ok if I'm standing up but as soon as I sit down, they poke into my belly. I'm not as sick any more which is a blessing from above. I have great days and days where I feel a little nauseous but nothing like the first trimester. I can actually enjoy most foods now but my sense of smell is still heightened. The only thing that sounds really gross is whole chicken breast (not really sure why) and seafood. My belly is really sore. I don't know if that's normal but I think it's just everything stretching. It really has grown a lot in the last few weeks.
On a more exciting note, I can feel the baby move now! Last Thursday night, I was trying to get comfortable in bed since it hurts to sleep on my stomach now. I turned to my left side almost on my stomach and I felt the baby kick me 4 times! It was so crazy and awesome. You can't feel it on the outside yet, but I can totally feel it. Ever since then, I can feel him/her kicking randomly. Usually when I go to bed at night.
We find out the sex on Monday! We are really excited. We will tell the family on Wednesday sine everybody will be home for Thanksgiving. I think it's a girl and D thinks it's a boy. I read people's blogs and they say that they feel like they already know their baby but I really don't feel like that. It's all kind of a novelty to me, I guess. I'm hoping finding out the gender will help me better visualize our baby. I still have time but I just hope that I can create that special bond with my child. I haven't even done anything to prepare for the baby. I haven't bought any baby stuff, I haven't started to get the house ready, I haven't done anything! I think that part of it is still hard for me to believe. I have wanted this for so long and I don't want this pregnancy to fly by. Some days, I still can't even believe that we are pregnant. It is a really weird place, mentally, to be in but I do have to admit that I love being pregnant right now.

Beautiful Heartbreak

I saw this video on FB today and I realized that my struggles are so small compared to what they could be.

IVF pictures

I just wanted to document with pictures our journey to this baby. I don't have tons of pics, but I always want to remember this time.

Here are some pics of us the day of the transfer:



And these are the little embryos that got transferred in! Somehow I lost the actual picture, but I LOVED seeing this little picture.

The day we found out we were pregnant!:

And our little baby at 6 weeks:

Distraction

If anybody out there is considering IVF, I have some advise. I believe that IVF is a very personal and private decision made between couples. I would recommend getting as much information ahead of time as you can and be very prayerful about it. For us, it just felt right. We have had that feeling many times before-where something just "feels right". When we decided to get married, there was no anxiety, no questions, no worries, it just felt right. When we bought our house, it just felt right. Every step of the way in dealing with our infertility felt right (even though 4 IUIs failed). IVF felt right for us. That doesn't mean we didn't do our research, talk to our bishop, consult with doctors and family, it just means that even after all that, we decided to move forward. I understand this might not be the decision for everybody. Some people may choose to adopt, or keep trying naturally.
The only real advise I would give somebody going through IVF is to have a distraction. Work does not count. My distraction was a vacation. We planned a vacation to Boston for the fall. Due to our work schedules, we cannot take vacations in the summer, so it usually happens around October. Well, we haven't been able to take a vacation since we started our business and with everything happening, we decided to make it a priority. Although IVF is quite expensive, we decided to put a tiny bit of money away each month for a vacation fund. I started planning it this summer right as we were going through IVF (which takes about a total of 2-3 months to complete, by the way). It was great because as soon as we decided where we wanted to go (we thought it would be the perfect time of year to visit Boston), I spent my time searching for deals on tickets, entertainment, hotels, etc. It paid off, too because our tickets were only $158! I looked on Groupon for Boston everyday and booked 3 tours through that. We just got back this past week and it was so worth it. Although I was 13-14 weeks pregnant and had to take a nap a couple times, it was so nice to be able to completely relax after such a stressful summer and first trimester. Whenever I was getting down, I would look into what tours we wanted to do or what restaurants we wanted to try. And since the whole thing was planned beforehand, we paid cash for everything! No extra debt which is a huge relief. It was so nice to get away from the Texas heat and not worry about anything but what we wanted to do next.
So, if you are considering IVF, find your distraction-it makes the entire process so much easier to bear when you have something else on your mind.

Public Puking

I did it. I puked in public. The only other time I did that was when I got sea sick on our honeymoon but right now, I am sitting in the Boston airport waiting to go home. Before we checked in, I decided to change from my jeans to a more comfortable track suit because I don't want to have my jeans digging into my stomach for the next 3.5 hours. I decided not to check my jacket because I could use it as a pillow on the flight.
Well, after we checked int, we were walking in to go through the scanners and what not for American Airlines. The AA scanner place is right next to a seafood place that smelled really strong. As we were walking up, I started gagging but wasn't too worried since I do that all the time. Well, I should have worried more. I was walking up the line and up came my lunch. Luckily I was still holding my jacket and that caught everything until I made it to the nearest trash can. I didn't want to carry a nasty puke filled jacket on the plane so I just threw it away (sad, because it was really cute but I don't buy really expensive clothes so it wasn't too hard to let go of). I made it to the bathroom to clean myself off a little bit and luckily nothing got on the rest of my clothes! Once I popped in some gum, we headed back and the airport security guy was nice enough to let us jump to the front of the line so I wouldn't have to be by the smell for longer than necessary. Luckily we got here early, so I got a chicken salad (although I really want some fries...I might just go get some of those, too) and a sprite and feel as good as new. I ALMOST made it through the entire trip without any morning sickness (besides all the gagging, when does that stop?) until I got to the airport to go home. I've been wearing a jacket or a sweatshirt everyday here in Boston so when I went to go clean up in the bathroom, I noticed my belly for the first time! It doesn't look like a real prego belly yet, but it is definitely there. I'm going to take some Zofran now and wait to go home and sleep in my own bed.