I am just frustrated with pregnant people, again. There was a baby blessing at church today for a baby who was born 6 days ago. It was short and sweet and I got through it just fine. Then, they had testimony meeting where anybody who wants to can stand up and share what they believe. A few moms stood up and just gushed about how nothing is better than being a mom. And how it is so rewarding and bla bla bla. I just sat there imagining having a little pregnant belly or with a baby carrier sitting next to me. But the pew was empty as was my belly.
I serve in the youth group at my church (girls ages 12-18) and they are singing for the Mother's Day program. They practiced the song today and to be honest, I only heard the first line of "she stood by my crib all those sleepless nights". I just want that so bad. I really don't want to go to church next Sunday. All the kids will be singing and they always have the mothers stand up so they can get a little present. I never stand up and somebody always says, "you can stand up, too, even though you don't have any kids". It is just this awkward reminder that I don't have any kids. I will stand there wishing I could be a mother while everybody can look at me and remember that I have no children of my own.
Mother's Day is National Infertility Awareness Day. I hate it. I hate all the mushy commercials and propaganda. It just brings everything that I wish I had and shoves it in my face. I really don't want to go next week, but we'll see what I decide. I wish I had a group of infertile friends who could all come over and watch movies with me on that day. I think the idea of Mother's Day approaching is just as difficult as Mother's Day itself.
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