I saw this video on FB today and I realized that my struggles are so small compared to what they could be.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
IVF pictures
I just wanted to document with pictures our journey to this baby. I don't have tons of pics, but I always want to remember this time.
Here are some pics of us the day of the transfer:
And these are the little embryos that got transferred in! Somehow I lost the actual picture, but I LOVED seeing this little picture.
The day we found out we were pregnant!:
And our little baby at 6 weeks:
Here are some pics of us the day of the transfer:
And these are the little embryos that got transferred in! Somehow I lost the actual picture, but I LOVED seeing this little picture.
The day we found out we were pregnant!:
And our little baby at 6 weeks:
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Distraction
If anybody out there is considering IVF, I have some advise. I believe that IVF is a very personal and private decision made between couples. I would recommend getting as much information ahead of time as you can and be very prayerful about it. For us, it just felt right. We have had that feeling many times before-where something just "feels right". When we decided to get married, there was no anxiety, no questions, no worries, it just felt right. When we bought our house, it just felt right. Every step of the way in dealing with our infertility felt right (even though 4 IUIs failed). IVF felt right for us. That doesn't mean we didn't do our research, talk to our bishop, consult with doctors and family, it just means that even after all that, we decided to move forward. I understand this might not be the decision for everybody. Some people may choose to adopt, or keep trying naturally.
The only real advise I would give somebody going through IVF is to have a distraction. Work does not count. My distraction was a vacation. We planned a vacation to Boston for the fall. Due to our work schedules, we cannot take vacations in the summer, so it usually happens around October. Well, we haven't been able to take a vacation since we started our business and with everything happening, we decided to make it a priority. Although IVF is quite expensive, we decided to put a tiny bit of money away each month for a vacation fund. I started planning it this summer right as we were going through IVF (which takes about a total of 2-3 months to complete, by the way). It was great because as soon as we decided where we wanted to go (we thought it would be the perfect time of year to visit Boston), I spent my time searching for deals on tickets, entertainment, hotels, etc. It paid off, too because our tickets were only $158! I looked on Groupon for Boston everyday and booked 3 tours through that. We just got back this past week and it was so worth it. Although I was 13-14 weeks pregnant and had to take a nap a couple times, it was so nice to be able to completely relax after such a stressful summer and first trimester. Whenever I was getting down, I would look into what tours we wanted to do or what restaurants we wanted to try. And since the whole thing was planned beforehand, we paid cash for everything! No extra debt which is a huge relief. It was so nice to get away from the Texas heat and not worry about anything but what we wanted to do next.
So, if you are considering IVF, find your distraction-it makes the entire process so much easier to bear when you have something else on your mind.
The only real advise I would give somebody going through IVF is to have a distraction. Work does not count. My distraction was a vacation. We planned a vacation to Boston for the fall. Due to our work schedules, we cannot take vacations in the summer, so it usually happens around October. Well, we haven't been able to take a vacation since we started our business and with everything happening, we decided to make it a priority. Although IVF is quite expensive, we decided to put a tiny bit of money away each month for a vacation fund. I started planning it this summer right as we were going through IVF (which takes about a total of 2-3 months to complete, by the way). It was great because as soon as we decided where we wanted to go (we thought it would be the perfect time of year to visit Boston), I spent my time searching for deals on tickets, entertainment, hotels, etc. It paid off, too because our tickets were only $158! I looked on Groupon for Boston everyday and booked 3 tours through that. We just got back this past week and it was so worth it. Although I was 13-14 weeks pregnant and had to take a nap a couple times, it was so nice to be able to completely relax after such a stressful summer and first trimester. Whenever I was getting down, I would look into what tours we wanted to do or what restaurants we wanted to try. And since the whole thing was planned beforehand, we paid cash for everything! No extra debt which is a huge relief. It was so nice to get away from the Texas heat and not worry about anything but what we wanted to do next.
So, if you are considering IVF, find your distraction-it makes the entire process so much easier to bear when you have something else on your mind.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Public Puking
I did it. I puked in public. The only other time I did that was when I got sea sick on our honeymoon but right now, I am sitting in the Boston airport waiting to go home. Before we checked in, I decided to change from my jeans to a more comfortable track suit because I don't want to have my jeans digging into my stomach for the next 3.5 hours. I decided not to check my jacket because I could use it as a pillow on the flight.
Well, after we checked int, we were walking in to go through the scanners and what not for American Airlines. The AA scanner place is right next to a seafood place that smelled really strong. As we were walking up, I started gagging but wasn't too worried since I do that all the time. Well, I should have worried more. I was walking up the line and up came my lunch. Luckily I was still holding my jacket and that caught everything until I made it to the nearest trash can. I didn't want to carry a nasty puke filled jacket on the plane so I just threw it away (sad, because it was really cute but I don't buy really expensive clothes so it wasn't too hard to let go of). I made it to the bathroom to clean myself off a little bit and luckily nothing got on the rest of my clothes! Once I popped in some gum, we headed back and the airport security guy was nice enough to let us jump to the front of the line so I wouldn't have to be by the smell for longer than necessary. Luckily we got here early, so I got a chicken salad (although I really want some fries...I might just go get some of those, too) and a sprite and feel as good as new. I ALMOST made it through the entire trip without any morning sickness (besides all the gagging, when does that stop?) until I got to the airport to go home. I've been wearing a jacket or a sweatshirt everyday here in Boston so when I went to go clean up in the bathroom, I noticed my belly for the first time! It doesn't look like a real prego belly yet, but it is definitely there. I'm going to take some Zofran now and wait to go home and sleep in my own bed.
Well, after we checked int, we were walking in to go through the scanners and what not for American Airlines. The AA scanner place is right next to a seafood place that smelled really strong. As we were walking up, I started gagging but wasn't too worried since I do that all the time. Well, I should have worried more. I was walking up the line and up came my lunch. Luckily I was still holding my jacket and that caught everything until I made it to the nearest trash can. I didn't want to carry a nasty puke filled jacket on the plane so I just threw it away (sad, because it was really cute but I don't buy really expensive clothes so it wasn't too hard to let go of). I made it to the bathroom to clean myself off a little bit and luckily nothing got on the rest of my clothes! Once I popped in some gum, we headed back and the airport security guy was nice enough to let us jump to the front of the line so I wouldn't have to be by the smell for longer than necessary. Luckily we got here early, so I got a chicken salad (although I really want some fries...I might just go get some of those, too) and a sprite and feel as good as new. I ALMOST made it through the entire trip without any morning sickness (besides all the gagging, when does that stop?) until I got to the airport to go home. I've been wearing a jacket or a sweatshirt everyday here in Boston so when I went to go clean up in the bathroom, I noticed my belly for the first time! It doesn't look like a real prego belly yet, but it is definitely there. I'm going to take some Zofran now and wait to go home and sleep in my own bed.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Blah
Just when I thought I was getting over morning sickness, it came back at me with a vengeance. Yesterday felt like I was only 6 weeks along again. I pretty much laid on the couch all day and did nothing but add to the mess that I call my house. My head hurt, I gagged at everything, and I all but threw up. Today, I am not feeling as dizzy as yesterday, but I have a horrible headache and all I want to do is sleep even though I've slept tons the last couple of days. The bad part is that I have so much to do since we leave for vacation (Boston here we come!) on Thursday! I need to clean my house, get everything set up for the business, and buy a new pair of shoes for the trip (duh). I'm hoping that I start to feel better ASAP and maybe get some of that stuff done tonight. I really need some new shoes.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Just Peachy
I am 13 weeks and my baby is the size of a peach! That seems pretty big to me but I guess that's about right. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have thrown up...until today. My wonderful husband has been out of town so last night I treated myself to some fajitas from Chilis. Once I got them home, I had one fajita and it wasn't appetizing anymore. I just threw the rest of food into the fridge thinking either Hubby would eat it or maybe I would change my mind. Well, I went into the fridge today and had to run to the bathroom. Don't worry, I made it but it was not good.
Tonight, I met a dear friend for dinner and some shopping. She's due in February so we had lots to talk about. We had a yummy dinner and some delicious pumpkin cheesecake then off for some shopping. Although I'm not really showing yet, I feel like I am getting thicker around the midsection and my normal clothes aren't very flattering anymore. I tried looking for some new clothes in normal stores but found nothing. 15 minutes before the mall closed, my friend told me we have to find a maternity store and go in. We finally found Motherhood Maternity and decided to go in and look. I thought it would be like old lady clothing but it wasn't! I actually bought two shirts! My first maternity clothes. I bought these ruched shirts (buy one get one half off), one short sleeve and one 3/4 sleeve. I really could wear them now and months from now! They had this fake belly in the dressing room so of course, I had to try it on. Then, I put on the maternity shirt on over it and it still fit! It's amazing that there's a shirt that looks normal now and could still look good a few months from now. When I was wearing the pregnant belly my first thought was, "I could never be this big". I'm sure I'll get bigger than that belly, but it's still hard to imagine.
Tonight, I met a dear friend for dinner and some shopping. She's due in February so we had lots to talk about. We had a yummy dinner and some delicious pumpkin cheesecake then off for some shopping. Although I'm not really showing yet, I feel like I am getting thicker around the midsection and my normal clothes aren't very flattering anymore. I tried looking for some new clothes in normal stores but found nothing. 15 minutes before the mall closed, my friend told me we have to find a maternity store and go in. We finally found Motherhood Maternity and decided to go in and look. I thought it would be like old lady clothing but it wasn't! I actually bought two shirts! My first maternity clothes. I bought these ruched shirts (buy one get one half off), one short sleeve and one 3/4 sleeve. I really could wear them now and months from now! They had this fake belly in the dressing room so of course, I had to try it on. Then, I put on the maternity shirt on over it and it still fit! It's amazing that there's a shirt that looks normal now and could still look good a few months from now. When I was wearing the pregnant belly my first thought was, "I could never be this big". I'm sure I'll get bigger than that belly, but it's still hard to imagine.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Just what I needed to hear
So this past weekend was General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. According to lds.org, General Conference is defined as, "a semiannual gathering of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. During general conference weekend, Church members and others who are interested gather worldwide in a series of two-hour sessions to receive inspiration and instruction from Church leaders."
On Saturday morning we watched the speakers at our house (with homemade pumpkin bread, might I add). That afternoon, we went to my parents house to watch it there. A talk was given that touched my heart. He talked about the importance of children and not putting off having kids. Similar talks have been given but his took a turn when he said:
I couldn't hold back the tears.
Growing up in the church, we are taught the importance of families and children from the time we are little. I have taught the youth of the church for the last 3-4 years and I have, at times, felt like a hypocrite. I always wanted children, but I wasn't having any and there I was teaching them that their greatest callings would be to become mothers one day. Would I ever be a mother? What kind of example was that? When we got married, the question always came, "when are you going to start having kids?" That is one of the most hurtful things you could say to somebody who wants kids but can't have them. First of all, it's none of your business. Secondly, I want to start now but the Lord has a different plan for me.
There have been so many times that I have been in the darkest of moments and have questioned whether or not God wanted me to be a mother. I wondered if He heard my prayers. I wondered if He forgot about me. I was asking for something righteous but the prayers still went unanswered. Once Elder Anderson said this, I realized that He does know me and love me. He obviously thought I was strong enough to go through this trial so it was up to me to step up and do the best I could.
I realized how lucky we really are to be having a child. I know that our journey with fertility is probably not over. We do want more children but it could take us another 3 years to get to that point. Since there hasn't been any real diagnosis, we are not sure what the future holds, but I know that I can do it. I know that the Lord trusts me with this mortal trial. My heart goes out to those out there who are still trying to become parents. I know it is hard, but the Lord has promised us that we can receive all the promised blessings in the eternities.
I have never heard a talk given at Conference that regarded infertility but I am so glad that we are led by divine inspiration for trials that are current. I know that God loves each of His children, even me. I know that He hears my prayers, even though sometimes it feels like I'm alone. I don't know why I am blessed enough to have a child now, but I am so humbly grateful to be given this opportunity.
On Saturday morning we watched the speakers at our house (with homemade pumpkin bread, might I add). That afternoon, we went to my parents house to watch it there. A talk was given that touched my heart. He talked about the importance of children and not putting off having kids. Similar talks have been given but his took a turn when he said:
The bearing of children can also be a heartbreaking subject for righteous couples who marry and find that they are unable to have the children they so anxiously anticipated or for a husband and wife who plan on having a large family but are blessed with a smaller family.
We cannot always explain the difficulties of our mortality. Sometimes life seems very unfair—especially when our greatest desire is to do exactly what the Lord has commanded. As the Lord’s servant, I assure you that this promise is certain: “Faithful members whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and parenthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in the eternities, [as] they keep the covenants they have made with God.”
I couldn't hold back the tears.
Growing up in the church, we are taught the importance of families and children from the time we are little. I have taught the youth of the church for the last 3-4 years and I have, at times, felt like a hypocrite. I always wanted children, but I wasn't having any and there I was teaching them that their greatest callings would be to become mothers one day. Would I ever be a mother? What kind of example was that? When we got married, the question always came, "when are you going to start having kids?" That is one of the most hurtful things you could say to somebody who wants kids but can't have them. First of all, it's none of your business. Secondly, I want to start now but the Lord has a different plan for me.
There have been so many times that I have been in the darkest of moments and have questioned whether or not God wanted me to be a mother. I wondered if He heard my prayers. I wondered if He forgot about me. I was asking for something righteous but the prayers still went unanswered. Once Elder Anderson said this, I realized that He does know me and love me. He obviously thought I was strong enough to go through this trial so it was up to me to step up and do the best I could.
I realized how lucky we really are to be having a child. I know that our journey with fertility is probably not over. We do want more children but it could take us another 3 years to get to that point. Since there hasn't been any real diagnosis, we are not sure what the future holds, but I know that I can do it. I know that the Lord trusts me with this mortal trial. My heart goes out to those out there who are still trying to become parents. I know it is hard, but the Lord has promised us that we can receive all the promised blessings in the eternities.
I have never heard a talk given at Conference that regarded infertility but I am so glad that we are led by divine inspiration for trials that are current. I know that God loves each of His children, even me. I know that He hears my prayers, even though sometimes it feels like I'm alone. I don't know why I am blessed enough to have a child now, but I am so humbly grateful to be given this opportunity.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Rock Star Momma
So I bought this cute book the other day called Rock Star Momma. I've been reading it and while I don't necessarily agree with everything she says, I do love the idea of looking great and therefore feeling great. In the book she said that now that you are expecting, you need to have a new mantra, "Embrace the new you". I have to admit that I've had a hard time lately dealing with the fact that I am now pregnant. After trying to get pregnant for so long, it is a weird change to all of the sudden be pregnant. My mind had to suddenly shift and it has taken some getting used to. I know that it sounds vain, but I have been freaking out a little bit knowing that my body is going to change forever. I hear it all the time from other moms that their bodies will never be the same again. I have noticed that my body is going through some weird changes right now although I'm still missing that pregnant belly. But, once I read the new mantra, I decided to embrace the new me. No more worrying about what may happen. I am going to embrace the new me. I am going to take everything about pregnancy and love it.
I have been struggling with the idea of completely changing my identity. Up until this point, I have been a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, a student, a business owner and a bunch of other things-but never a mother. I know that being a mother is the highest and greatest calling a woman can have but is it going to change who I am? I'm sure I will change but I think I can also still be me. I probably sound like a crazy woman and most people out there who get pregnant never think about this stuff, but I'm a little nuts I guess. Again, I am going to embrace the new me.
I have been struggling with the idea of completely changing my identity. Up until this point, I have been a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, a student, a business owner and a bunch of other things-but never a mother. I know that being a mother is the highest and greatest calling a woman can have but is it going to change who I am? I'm sure I will change but I think I can also still be me. I probably sound like a crazy woman and most people out there who get pregnant never think about this stuff, but I'm a little nuts I guess. Again, I am going to embrace the new me.
Coach, Michael Kors, Louis Vuitton
My purse has totally gotten a makeover the last couple of months. First of all, there's no need anymore for those pesky tampons or liners (WAHOO!). On the other hand, I've had to add quite a few things to my purse and it now looks like the inside of a CVS. Zofran-don't leave home without it. My morning sickness is so random and never happens at the same time so I have to carry it with me all the time. Along the same lines, my purse is now always stocked with some kind of snack. Usually crackers (today it's a gluten free brownie-yum) or something to hold me over so I don't die of starvation while I'm out. Instead of carrying Aleve, I now carry Tylenol. Apparently that's the only pain medicine that pregnant people can take so that's in my purse now too. And as of today, I added Tums. Yes, I've started the heartburn stage. I remember taking Tums when I was younger and hating the chalky nasty taste. Today, I bought the mixed berry flavor and they actually taste pretty good! No wonder I see pregnant women chomping on those things like they're going out of style.
This whole pregnancy thing is so crazy. My body is going through all these changes that I can't really describe but I'm trying to keep up. Luckily, I have the help of some medications.
This whole pregnancy thing is so crazy. My body is going through all these changes that I can't really describe but I'm trying to keep up. Luckily, I have the help of some medications.
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